In what emergency room doctors are calling "a case of way too much Jersey Shore," a 59-year-old man from New Jersey, Vito Accardi, was hospitalized after spending 7 straight hours tanning on the beach. Determined to achieve that perfect bronze glow, the Jersey local ignored multiple warnings about sunscreen, shade, & hydration. Paramedics on the scene described Accardi as a "human raisin." Upon exiting the hospital, he told reporters, “Summer ain't over yet.” What a quote. Gotta respect the dedication.

Run, Fyre Festival 2 Is Coming! 😰

Remember Fyre Festival? The infamous 2017 “luxury” music festival that was supposed to be like Coachella in the Carribean on steroids? Attendees were promised a tropical paradise, gourmet meals, and world-class performances, but instead got Red Cross tents, soggy cheese sandwiches, and special appearances from C-list influencers. Well... guess what? It’s back for round two! Founder Billy McFarland (who spent four years in jail for the last failure) just announced that Fyre Festival 2 is coming in 2025. Tickets start at $1,400 and go as high as $1.1 million. What a deal!

Extra, Extra! 📰

• Someone sharted on the subway

• Moo Deng, a mini hippo from Thailand, is taking the internet by storm

• A Minecraft YouTuber builds NYC in perfect scale

• A Chinese zoo admits to painting dogs to look like Pandas